We grow up looking around for, and looking up to authority.
It is our parents, caregivers, and teachers in our earlier parts of our life but soon we internalize the infallibility of these authority figures, and that is where the possibilities of our life start shrinking.
As we interact with systems like school, we also internalize the authority of that system. And it is not long when we start to treat everything told to us by the school and the figures associated with it as the god’s decree. The school through implicit and explicit signals points out who is smart, who is not smart, what is right, what is wrong, who is capable of doing what, and who is not capable. And you take their word for it? And you let it build your self-esteem?
What else can you do as an 8yr old who has been made to feel by a teacher that you can’t speak well publicly and that your friend is a better speaker, and hence he is the one who is going to be on the stage narrating the class play.
I would say the only thing you can do is, don’t take their word. If you take their word, the possibilities of your life will shrink. So, don’t take anyone’s word for anything. Go try it and do it yourself. That’s how you learn. Break things, fall, but figure it out for yourself.
Nothing is god’s decree.
If the teacher calls you smart, you should ‘thank her’ but still not take her word for it. If you do, the possibilities of your life will shrink. Why do I say this? This is just a teacher’s judgment and the world again will have its own judgement of things independent of what this teacher says. While this is a positive remark, this is again in no way god’s decree. Maybe, the teacher means that you are ‘smartest’ in this class, and maybe the class you are in does not have enough smart kids. Maybe, the teacher’s definition of ‘smart’ is different from what world’s definition of ‘smart’ is. This can really mean multiple things. Whatever it is, judgements like these are always up for debate.
Irrespective of the type of feedback — positive or negative, deeply internalize the need to not rely on authority (figures/institutions) for validation. Because that’s how you take back the control, and also slowly develop your own conviction, trust in your own intuition and decision making.
By the time we grow up, the damage in this area has mostly been done as most, if not all, people have internalized this need to seek constant validation from authority figures. The process continues and people keep looking for authority in their university professors, bosses, companies, and wherever they can find them.
So, if you have an idea and you pitch it to your business school professor and she tells you that it’s a really bad idea, don’t take her word for it (read the FedEx story).
If she says, it’s a great idea, don’t take her word for it, try it for yourself, if you have to.
The motto of the Royal Society is ‘Nullius in verba’ meaning ‘take nobody’s word for it’. For as long as I remember, I have questioned and stress tested these legacy systems (including authority figures/institutions) at various junctures of my life, and have taken no one’s word for anything. The spirit will continue. Fortuna fortes adiuvat.
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These are my rough notes, and an attempt to share my take at life and everything that makes it up. Privileged to have people around me who push me to question the world, and the systems that make it up.